Single dad raises 4-year-old daughter alone after her mom relinquishes parental rights, until mom demands custody again when she finds out he started dating: ‘Another woman shouldn’t be raising my child’

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    "AITA for not allowing my ex wife to see our daughter"

    My ex-wife and I have a daughter together, who's now 4 years old. We were together for about 3 years total-2 years dating and 1 year married. After our
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    daughter was born, she lasted about two months before telling me (and these were her exact words), "I don't wanna be a mom." She voluntarily relinquished
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    her parental rights not long after. We ended up going back and forth in court for nearly a year over child support because she argued ―and again, her actual
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    words "women shouldn't pay child support." Since then, she's had zero contact with our daughter. Not a birthday card, not a gift, not even a "how is she doing."
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    We live in a small town, so it's not like distance is a factor. She's just never cared. Fast forward to now: I've recently started seeing someone―my first
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    relationship since the divorce. She has a son just a month older than my daughter, and the two kids have become best friends. Things have been going
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    really well. Then out of nowhere, my ex finds out about the relationship and suddenly wants to be involved again. She says that "another woman
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    shouldn't be raising her child," which... she's not. I am. She's also been throwing around threats about trying to get custody (even though she voluntarily
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    gave up her rights and legally can't). I honestly don't even think she understands how any of that works. So now I'm just sitting here like—am | wrong for wanting to shut
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    all of this down? She had four years to be in our daughter's life and never once showed interest until someone else stepped in. AITA?
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    CSurvivor9 NTA She's playing games and will drop as soon as she causes enough trouble. Might want to notify day care, babysitters,
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    schools wherever she goes that the birth mother does not have custody and has no visitstion, so she can't show up there and take your daughter.
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    Throwaway92827270 OP this is very smart, thanks i will definitely do this asap!
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    velvetblonde89 NTA. She said "I don't wanna be a mom" and dipped, but now that another woman is in the picture— suddenly she's maternal? That's not love, that's ego with a custody complex.
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    You're not blocking a loving parent ―you're enforcing the boundaries she put in place when she handed over her rights. She doesn't get to ghost for four years and then pop back up like this is season 2 and she's reclaiming her role.
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    You're doing the hard work. You're raising your daughter. That's what matters—not some surprise cameo from someone who opted out the second it wasn't convenient. Let her huff and puff. She can't blow down a house she legally walked away from.
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    user9876543121 First of all - if she gave up parental rights (which many judges will not grant) then she is no longer on the hook for child support, legally this is not her daughter.
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    Second of all - if she actually gave up those parental rights, she doesn't have a leg to stand on. Unless you want to set up visitation with your daughter, personally I would block and ignore her.
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    Throwaway92827270 OP my friends brother gave up his rights and pays child support so idk but the child support thing was mainly talked about when they were originally just gonna give me custody and she used the "women shouldn't pay" line it was later she gave up her rights i assume her lawyer maybe advised her to go that route instead
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    OldControl7774 Yeah that is not how that works! She can give up her rights but still be ordered to pay child support.
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    Someone YouDontKnow70 NTA. Your child is not a prop that your ex gets to use to exert control over your life. If she didn't want another woman to raise her child, then she should have stepped up to
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    begin with. She voluntarily signed away her rights, and she has to live with that now. This woman sounds too selfish to raise a child, and I wouldn't let my daughter anywhere near her.
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    JeepersCreepers74 NTA. Even though she's responding positively, your daughter has enough change in her life right now with your new relationship. Reintroducing her to bio mom will be confusing and, given bio mom's issues, potentially damaging.
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    As you said, you live in a small town, so I'm assuming there will be no secrets as to who bio mom is. When your daughter is older, she can weigh in on the decision whether she wants a relationship with bio mom and, if so, how much of one. Until then, stay the course as her reliable parent.

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